Everyone listen to me!!!

I feel starved for attention. I want friends. I am tired of summer. I feel yucky and I don't know why. I always feel like such a jerk when I feel sorry for myself because I am an upper-middle class white American and I have creme brulee in the fridge and I don't really have anything to feel bad about ever. Probably I don't feel bad. Probably I feel really good, and I am just confused. I am tired of my project and I am tired of my minutia. I am tired of the necklace I am wearing. It is a choker, which means it's kind of itchy. I want to have a great conversation, not over the phone. I want to get a really long letter. I haven't done the workbook for purity group tomorrow and I haven't done any reading today and I probably won't do any tomorrow. I have to cook a truckload of food for people and for this weekend and I wasted the afternoon making creme brulee which nobody wanted but me. I got my hair cut today, it looks cute. I went to the grocery store. I didn't get to the laundry. I took a shower. I tried to cook the dinner, but I couldn't get any farther than the marinade. This is how I spend my days. I take showers, I do laundry, I clean up the kitchen, I red up the living room, I unpack the groceries. None of my projects ever get done. I have no free time. I feel like I'm wasting time doing all these little tasks. My religious training tells me that nothing is really minutia in the long run. Brother Lawrence says that...well I'm not really sure exactly what Brother Lawrence says. It's something about worshipping God in the mundane, in acts of service. Whatever, apparently I have trouble believing this anyway. Why do I do all this stuff? It certainly isn't for the accolades of family and friends. I drove my sister half an hour to her friends house today and she left the car without even saying thank you. I need perspective. What is the big picture. How do all of these little things turn into something worthwhile? Am I just wasting my time? What about this so called "project" that keeps taking up so much of my time? Is there any point to this stupid thing, or am I just trying to look cool and academic and have some kind of thing jigger put next to my name at graduation. I did this project because I hoped to reach people and bring clarity, but who is ever going to read it? Maybe if I'm lucky I'll get friends and family members and maybe a few profs, but won't I just be preaching to the choir? Is this the worst post ever, or is it just me. Lord, help us, stop whining! I wish I had said something interesting. I really do have interesting thoughts at times, I don't know what's the matter with me tonight. Maybe I'm just tired. This might have been too much belly-aching, but I hope at least that my speculations about what makes activities meaningful and what is the use of the mundane in our lives, maybe those have been more interesting than the past few posts.

Goodnight, poor brow-beaten readers,
S.