Grumpy jerk

I really need to stop posting in this blog late at night. Usually by the time I get to this point of the day I'm tired and my brain is fried and I'm in a pissy mood. Tonight the headache du jour is buying textbooks for Oz. I think I've looked at every copy of every book that I'm trying to buy that was ever printed. I ended up shopping at Amazon, and I'm still not sure that I made the right choice, since the shipping could take up to six weeks. So, basically the course could be over by the time I get my books. Now is the time for nail-biting and frantic prayers that my books will get here (or there rather) in time for me to actually read them for the classes. So, I've decided that everything will be much, much better once I'm actually in Australia. I hate these transitional periods even more than I hate the changes themselves. There's so much stress and ambiguity, I'd rather just be in one place or the other. So now I'm feeling sad and guilty about leaving my family, and not only that but I've lost just about all sense of why I ever wanted to go on this stupid semester thing anyway. So I'm just stuck, and I've been spinning my wheels for the past few days and getting nowhere. Especially as far as packing is concerned. You know, I had one brief shining moment when I actually saw to the end of the packing ordeal, and I realized that it wasn't such a big deal and it would be over fairly soon. That feeling was lost long ago in a haze of should I bring this, and can I spare that and Oh lord, that will never fit. I need to sleep, though I'm so much not a morning person that I won't actually be any more positive till about 11:00 tomorrow, though I usually get up at nine. My brain is a total fritter. Enough with the drama and anticipation already, just put me on the damn plane and let's get this over with already!!!